The Despair Man

Yeah it is the end of 2017, another year passed and I am still here and being the same ordinary person again. In general, at least once a year I will login back to here and to sumarize my life throughout the year because I seems to be very forgetful all these days so I must find a way to keep me remember things that I have gone through. Once in a blue moon, reading the things I have shared here is also one of my entertainment too.

 Well, 2017 is not a very bad year by the way, at least i got myself travelled and visited few places. I went Krabi -> Chiang mai-> Bangkok -> Korea. I have also made videos of the places in order to keep me reminded with my joys back in the trips. I have no ideas why I will be going so many places this year. Every gang of my friends asked me for one place and thus ended up with all these places then, I guessed. Although I have spent somewhat extra on all these but the joys I had make me feel they worth it. I am getting POOR~~~~~ Argg!

When we gets old, we seem to be more afraid in making decision. This year, I want to make myself a good decision too, whether to stay or go, whether to let go or maintain, whether to give up or pushing forward. Positive and negative, black and white, it always drives people in dilemma. Well, I think I am kinda made up my mind though, cannot be staying intact there anymore, time to rock and rolls before we are too late to do so.

Anyhow, let’s pray for the best for 2018 as there are 2 more weeks to go only. First, I would like to try my luck in applying for working holiday, next, applying for new job and then get myself changing for new environment. But where is the best place and what job fits me the best? Pray ah Pray ah~ My Almighty Lord please grant me a good job and a new start toward the year of 2018. Bad job and working environment really drive people motiveless in doing everything.  No comments on that, lets everything turn all right in 2018. 

Happy New Year!!



Krabi 2017

Korea 2017

Colors of Life

How long i have left here actually? By looking back into my last post, it has been 365 and more days I have left my blog here intact. In this last week of 2016, I am here back to clean the dusty blog and today's topic is Colors of Life. So, first of all, what is life? For me, life is a process, a process where we are firstly formed from an ejaculated fluid and then swim through all the processes and grow up to become a youngster, teenager then adult and finally get old and rest in peace. Along the processes, we add in a lots of elements. We are granted the chances to experience sweet, sour, bitter and tough life.

For my life, what would it be like? Enjoying all the tastes of life? For the end of 2016, i felt glad that i have finally achieved one of my main goal in life where I turn my promises into reality by providing my family a new shelter. Bitterness has finally paid its efforts.

For me, moving house is not an easy task as the buying part, renovation part and furnishing part will definitely drive to become crazy. Despair, tiring, helpless and worries filled all the ways up. I bought the house back in 2014 and been saving for 2 years and doing most of the renovation parts by myself and yet it is still not enough! These include of land clearing, grass plantation, plumbing works, lighting and electrical appliances installation, tilling works and etc and yet it is over my budget by double! " Money Fly Fly " I can now officially declare that I am a bankruptcy! This is so called " 财散人安乐"? I can then doing nothing and enjoying my life now? Tougher life is yet to come! LIVE IT ON, James!

Anyhow I felt I am always well blessed and I am thankful for the blessing I have gotten all these while. Rejoice and praise the Lord. Looking forward to the day where I can feel myself revive again! Grant me strength and wisdom. Nevertheless, give thank to 2016 and all the best in 2017. Good things yet to come.

Happy New Year All!

HUAT AH!!

新的一年就这样过了两周，很多人都不断为自己许下了会带给自己好运的愿望。当然，这也可能就成为了一股无形的动力为自己加油打气。我呢，倒是觉得做一个谦卑人是很重要的。所以，这一年，我希望我能低调，谦卑，这样也许好运会长随我身旁。因为，最近我倒霉了。

这一年，突然觉得自己真的有老了。说真的，压力也大了，负担也当然大了。人长大了就是不一样，做什么都要靠自己了。买车买房，看起来是很容易，做起来相当不容易，买了房没了储蓄。两手空空，多么没安全感。不过，如果每个人都向别人要一个安全感，谁还会多一个给别人呢。所以，这一切的一切都得靠自己！

这一年，有很多东西想要做，想要学。怕就怕是三分钟没热度了。付出了金钱和时间但一无所有。所以，这里给自己一句话：死就死吧！现在不去做，不去试，将来后悔也只能责备自己。如果万一真的白费了心思，浪费了时间也不要紧。我深信，今天的失败都由于过去的不努力造成。但今天的努力，必有是将来的大收成。

每天上班下班，这种生活真的很没趣。不是不喜欢工作的性质。而是想到无论我多么努力，我银行里面每个月都只会汇入一样的薪金。这样就真的没趣了。我要做一个不简单的人，我就这样时常对自己说。当你将信心放在自己的身上是，你将永远充满力量。哈哈！

不经历风雨，怎能见彩虹。既靠天，也靠地，还靠自己。单单有奋斗精神是不够的，还需要脚踏实地一步一步地去做。要先分析自己的现状，分析自己现在处于什么位置，到底具备什么样的能力，你给自己定了目标，你还要知道怎么样去一步一步地实现这个目标。

常听人说 “机会面前，人人平等”，这是谁说的! 如果你不奋斗，不努力，没付出，你哪来平等啊。所以就有这么一个人说到：‘攫取成功的精神财产将永远贫富不均’。在浩瀚的生命之岸，你应该自豪地告诉世界，你追求过，你奋斗过，你为了辉煌的人生从来没有放弃过希望，从来没有停止过拼搏。而这个造就了万物的世界也将自豪而欣慰地回答你：只要奋斗不息，人生终将辉煌。


奔跑吧 2015！

LOVE

Love is a wonderful matter that it is hardly be able to explain by words. It can be shown is various of ways and even Adele sang a song ' To Make You Feel My Love'. This means that love is actually quite a complicated matter and that's why facebook is even having a relationship status called ' complicated'.

Despite, everyone says that loves hurts, but that’s not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love but reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. It depends on whether you are dare to take the steps to move forward. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. So, when two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, no one can ever tear them apart.

We always claim that we loved a person that not supposed to be loved by us. We paid our effort so so so much that even we tear our heart apart just for him/her. In this world, love is always not work out in an equation. You spent 100% of your effort but you are not necessary to be get the return by 100%. Just like pouring water from one pail to another pail. You filled the first pail with 1 liter of water  and you start to pour the water from the first pail to the second ones. There is always some left behind the first pail that the second pail will never getting the 1 liter of water back. Same theory applies. Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s everything in between that makes it all worth living.

Sometimes you just need that one person who will let you talk and ramble listen to your complain and look like an idiot but still love you all the same. People might look you like an idiot but who knows you are an apple in him/her eyes. 

For me, I don mind to be and idiot in front of you if you know i am really meant to you. I will do my best just for you. Somehow, I am always feeling self-abased in this matter. Less confident to talk and communicate. I will try to talk but when i feel if people is just like reluctantly replying you i will pull myself out. I am always being miss-understood for being arrogant, strong, fearless and more.  It is hardly could be explained.

Yesterday, i listened to 2 songs and i repeatedly listening to these 2 songs for so many times. its touched especially the 后会无期. You must always remember the one that you met is not always be there and ready for you. It’s not hard to find someone who tells you they love you, its hard to find someone who actually means it. Falling in love is just like jumping from a really tall building, your brain tells you that it is never gonna be alright but  your heart tell you, you can fly. Therefore, why don't Just Fly! 

You are my destiny

后会无期

等。一个人

等？现在当你一说到等，别人都大概会联想到等一个人的咖啡了吧。这部戏第一天上映我就去戏院看了。看了有如再次点燃那早已熄灭爱的火花。觉得身边如果有一个人能一起分享你的一切一切其实是非常幸福的。不需要太多，这样就已经很足够了。但这火花很快就熄灭了消失在云烟之中。也许，这种感觉都只会在看戏才会有的吧。

这辈子能有多少次心跳加速、话都快说不出来的时刻呢？我没谈过恋爱，但我知道，一个对爱情有信仰的人，应该珍惜每一次心动的时刻，然后勇敢追寻下一次、再下一次、然后再下一次。哈哈，认识我的人都知道我就厉害就是说了。相信有很多人都同意戏里所说的，恋爱最甜美的部分就是暧昧，彼此猜测的过程，往往让人脸红心跳，往往叫人连做梦都无法忘记每一次说话时的紧张。

也有些时候，我曾路过你的心，不是我不想停留，而是你不肯收留。时常听人说，女生是一种很难懂的动物。女生常说：“男人没有一个是好东西。”所以当一个女生对你说：“你是个好人”时，你基本上就死了，因为你在她心目中已经正式退出了男人的行列，从而失去了进一步发展的可能。只有当一个女生对你说：“你这个死鬼”时，你才真是个好人，那时候你才真真稍微的看到一束光芒。女生有时就是多花样了一些。

在我这阶段的男生，很多时候就起了些矛盾，想爱又不想爱。原因就归于在，怕有了那个她又没时间陪她。让身边的她受委屈了。周末来一个简单的约会，久久来一次旅行，不知道这样朴素的恋爱方式是否还适合这繁华年代的女生吗？毕竟现在是打拼的时候，时间，金钱就是男人在成功道路上的武器。 不能过于奢侈。世上最凄绝的距离是两个人本来距离很远，互不相识，忽然有一天，他们相识，相爱，距离变得很近。然后有一天,不再相爱了，本来很近的两个人，变得很远，甚至比以前更远。

这个世界上，每个人都在等一个人。而在等的那个人呢......

人-生

人生，从字眼上看起来也就是人的一生。那究竟人的一生是要怎样过得呢。出世，成长，念书，工作，结婚，生病，死亡？曾有古人说过：“昔年移柳，依依江南，今看摇落，凄怆江潭，树由如此，人何以堪。从绿意盈盈到残叶纷飞，一生起落浮沉，我们像树一 样生长，最终也会像树一样颓然倒塌于地。这也许就是人生最透彻的定义吧！

人，一般都活在矛盾当中。人生就像一个摩天轮，转来转去，但最终兜兜转转还是回到原点！每天就是为了一些东西烦呀烦，以为找到了出路，结果原来跑回了原点。这就是“人 生”！其实，人生就像一盒巧克力，你永远不会知道下一颗巧克力是什么味道除非你买的巧克力全都是一样的味道。哈哈。

有时候，真的好想好想，什么都不做，就好好地趟在地上仰望一下蓝天碧云的天空，看看自由飞翔的小鸟，想想何谓人生。在我看来，人生就是要不断地做决定以确保你走的下一步是一步好棋。不过我相信人只要不失去方向，就不会失去自己因为人生重要的不是所站的位置，而是所朝的方向。每一件事都要用多方面的角度来看它。说当然容易啦。虽然我时常都会这样想，但是颓废的心情和思想都会把这一切摧毁。俗语说：理想的路总是为有信心的人预备着，可是就难啊。面对迷茫的前方有时候真的不知道要做什么决定好，也许我也太多顾虑了吧。也可能是这样，习惯了，一个人孤孤单单旳感觉。

读了一篇散文就说到，人，往往急于成长，然后又哀叹失去的童年；以健康换取金钱，不久后又想用金钱恢复健康；对未来焦虑不已，却又无视现在的幸福，既不活在当下，也不活在未来。人生短短几十年，不要在临死前才感叹自己仿佛从未活过。所以有时候是要放开点的。在感情上也一样。其实，缘分就像一本书。翻的不经意会错过童话读得太认真又会流干眼泪。既来之则安之吧。

何谓人生? 到头来就是’烦‘。

Strive for good

Day passed and go and yet the old is remaining. We grown and we remember the past. Everything passed is now a history or memory to you so that you can absorb some sort of teaching and striving for the next good.

Sometimes, we remember events which really happened, so memory is unlike pure imagination. Yet, in practice, there can be close interactions between remembering, perceiving, and imagining. Somehow, there is always a saying that when people is almost dead, there is always a flashback of their memory of their own deeds. Not sure whether it is true or false but the day will come and we will know in one day maybe?

By the way, i am thinking why human's mind is so complicated and yet so ridiculous sometimes. We will not only remembering the good but also the bad and sometimes we even come out with an evil thought that will cause harm to other people. We even cheat or lie to each other in order to get what we want. Most of the time people wont be able to appreciate the good until the bad they trusted betrayed them. Well, at this moment, i am already not so sure what i gonna express anymore. Ever since the incident, i think over-doing or over-caring to somebody will just messing up the formula and creating some sort of reversing chemical reaction sometimes. As i said, human is complicated, you will never know how's the mind is actually functioning on each.

Recently, i lost my ability in socializing. Less familiar to it. Not so sure why but the i-don-care feeling is gradually overwhelming me. Less access to my dusty guitar, keyboard, violin  anymore. Although i am not good at any one of them. Chasing after the petty pace look comfortable but unsatisfying definitely. Hmmmm.. no ideas really, gotta strive for good indeed i guess. LOL

Last but not least, i am glad that i was a student before as i have time to create all these so called self-composing song merely for self-entertaining. Felt so lovely and happy when listening back to these 3 years ago funny piece of shit. I have some creation for my dearest friends, my home and my myself anyways. Hahahahhaha 
(Plsease Ignore my out of tune, lousy skills or watsoever ok, just for funny and some laugther)

一生知己

 
家


 
相信明天

Hello*

Again, half a year has gone! Realizing that expectation is always lagging behind reality is a truth. What you expected will never gone too far but lagging behind the cruel of reality.

Yeah, once again plan changed. Dragging here and there and deciding to leave or not to leave but in the end i'm still here, stayed!  Staying not because of betterment but clinging on the slight hope that it will be better. Sound pity it seems.

Well, things change, people change, world change and earth is rather moving, you cant just expecting people to go into your plan. Sometimes, we are somewhat lost in the middle but believe me, if you do have strong faith, it might still within your expectation somehow.

Sigh, i shall get myself a getaway though. BTW, I'm just came back from a short trip last week. Bought the ticket all of a sudden to Laos. I guess not much people went there before. In short, not really a well developed country but you still manage to get yourself something new to explore. Infrastructure there are kinda bad by comparing to malaysia. To certain places, car speed will never be able to exceed 20km/h is terrible and you are non-stop experiencing the earthquake moment inside the car. This makes me feel thankful for what i'm having. People there are usually the chinese descendants as their grandparent or grand-grandparents are mostly chinese (according to the locals there). Therefore, you can always see many chinese-like lao there. Somehow, they are no longer be able to speak in chinese anymore. Besides that, the food are quite nice if you are able to eat spicy food. languages used there is lao but 80% same as thai so if you can speak in thai you can usually communicate well there. After this, i'm planning to visit cambodia and vietnam too. Must be at least visit our neighboring country once when i can.

Gosh! The feeling of starting work after a holiday is bad. Laziness is overwhelming me. Luckily, I am not alone and i made a new internship friend. Or else i will be a loner hero then. Work, eat, sleep, work are the sequences of my life. Anyway, half more year to go, lets see if there are miracles happen. Cheers~

 

Yummy Food

 

 Scenery Taken

Selfie Took During the Trip

你给我听好！

年龄+1

不知不觉又到了年龄+1的月份脸上的鱼尾纹又多了一条。渐渐的才发现，世界上最恐怖的，不是命运的不幸与坎坷，亦不是对手的强大与未知，也不是人性的软弱与懒惰，更不是自然灾害。我想，真正可怕的是时间。人长越大就觉得时间过的越快！但有了时间，就意味着一切都有转变的可能。
 
''我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停'' 对这歌词有印象吗？ 其实每次都想像歌词里写的，就是一个人到处走走停停看看这世界。很庆幸的是，在我步入年龄+1 的时候，我懂得了懒惰不会使一个人变得富有；我懂得了逃避不会使一件事得到解决；我懂得了虚伪不会使一个人变得有底气；我懂得了抱怨不会使一件事出现转机；我更懂得了理论不会使一个项目达到预期。这一些的懂得使我不断在提醒自己一定要努力！

不久之前，下了一个大决定，就是决定了再一次的离开我爱的家园 (如果没有太大的变数)。不知道这是否对错。原因是我觉得我逐渐变得懒散了，开始满足我现在的生活不想再去尝试新的东西了。虽然有点生在福中不知福的感觉但我宁可放手一搏也不要做那不敢冒险的人。时常听人说机会是留给有准备的人而我现在就是为我自己准备着呢。

今年对我来说，是一个崭新的一年。之所以这么说，因为等待我的，是一个崭新的里程碑，一个新的学习过程。如果有人问我今年愿望是什么，我则是会答 ‘桃花’ 哈哈哈！

最后，祝福身边的每一个人快乐，更加祝福此刻正在阅读关心我的朋友们，祝福大家快乐幸福，马年行大运！ 
 

最后送你们一首 ‘叶子’

WHY!!

Don't know why, my head is always filling up with these 3 words, W,H,Y recently. Whenever people is asking why it simply means that they are facing some uncertainties for sure. By the way, WHY is a great simple term to use whenever there is something questionable! Thats why, WHY is always appearing in my life.

Since after graduation and coming out to work, there are quite a lot of WHY appearing indeed! I am asking myself why am i studying, why am i working, why am i not born to be superhero, why are we so tiring? Aren't we always telling other to enjoy life ya? Eventually, we are the person who don really enjoying our lives. 

At first, i was thinking to work in hometown is a brilliant choice but eventually i think i made myself not really a happy choice. Not sure the reason why but i just don like the current me and the situation.
lifeless, bored and meaningless. I am always feeling i can do something better but now everything ended up with laziness. LOST OF directions! I know i shall always cherish the things that i possessed, a mom that well taken care of me but you know.. ah.. hard to say that kind of feeling.. 

Living a life with almost everyday the same routine is totally killing me! For me, i am totally hating it and FED UP! Maybe this is a must-going process for an ordinary people. Sometimes, i was thinking why people wanted a long life, how good if we just having 50 years or even 35 years of life wont it just good enough? We play, we enjoyed, we worked and we died. That's the process, short yet simple and enjoying.

Argg!! I think i need a short break seriously! I wanted to go some place and live myself alone but i have my worries, my burden my family. At the same time, when i stop i have no income, What a LIFE! Anyway, another uncelebrated day is just around the corner! Topping up of another digit on my current age and I wish i can always make my mind clear and alert what to do and in fact what is so hard about it actually?
 
SCREAM! SCREAM! i wanna Scream the hell out of it!! Maybe he is right, i might just a Passenger!

Passenger - Let Her Go

''Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies''