Love is a wonderful matter that it is hardly be able to explain by words. It can be shown is various of ways and even Adele sang a song ' To Make You Feel My Love'. This means that love is actually quite a complicated matter and that's why facebook is even having a relationship status called ' complicated'.
Despite, everyone says that loves hurts, but that’s not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love but reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. It depends on whether you are dare to take the steps to move forward. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. So, when two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, no one can ever tear them apart.
We always claim that we loved a person that not supposed to be loved by us. We paid our effort so so so much that even we tear our heart apart just for him/her. In this world, love is always not work out in an equation. You spent 100% of your effort but you are not necessary to be get the return by 100%. Just like pouring water from one pail to another pail. You filled the first pail with 1 liter of water and you start to pour the water from the first pail to the second ones. There is always some left behind the first pail that the second pail will never getting the 1 liter of water back. Same theory applies. Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s everything in between that makes it all worth living.
Sometimes you just need that one person who will let you talk and ramble listen to your complain and look like an idiot but still love you all the same. People might look you like an idiot but who knows you are an apple in him/her eyes.
For me, I don mind to be and idiot in front of you if you know i am really meant to you. I will do my best just for you. Somehow, I am always feeling self-abased in this matter. Less confident to talk and communicate. I will try to talk but when i feel if people is just like reluctantly replying you i will pull myself out. I am always being miss-understood for being arrogant, strong, fearless and more. It is hardly could be explained.
Yesterday, i listened to 2 songs and i repeatedly listening to these 2 songs for so many times. its touched especially the 后会无期. You must always remember the one that you met is not always be there and ready for you. It’s not hard to find someone who tells you they love you, its hard to find someone who actually means it. Falling in love is just like jumping from a really tall building, your brain tells you that it is never gonna be alright but your heart tell you, you can fly. Therefore, why don't Just Fly!
Day passed and go and yet the old is remaining. We grown and we remember the past. Everything passed is now a history or memory to you so that you can absorb some sort of teaching and striving for the next good. Sometimes, we remember events which
really happened, so memory is unlike pure imagination. Yet, in
practice, there can be close interactions between remembering,
perceiving, and imagining. Somehow, there is always a saying that when people is almost dead, there is always a flashback of their memory of their own deeds. Not sure whether it is true or false but the day will come and we will know in one day maybe?
By the way, i am thinking why human's mind is so complicated and yet so ridiculous sometimes. We will not only remembering the good but also the bad and sometimes we even come out with an evil thought that will cause harm to other people. We even cheat or lie to each other in order to get what we want. Most of the time people wont be able to appreciate the good until the bad they trusted betrayed them. Well, at this moment, i am already not so sure what i gonna express anymore. Ever since the incident, i think over-doing or over-caring to somebody will just messing up the formula and creating some sort of reversing chemical reaction sometimes. As i said, human is complicated, you will never know how's the mind is actually functioning on each. Recently, i lost my ability in socializing. Less familiar to it. Not so sure why but the i-don-care feeling is gradually overwhelming me. Less access to my dusty guitar, keyboard, violin anymore. Although i am not good at any one of them. Chasing after the petty pace look comfortable but unsatisfying definitely. Hmmmm.. no ideas really, gotta strive for good indeed i guess. LOL
Last but not least, i am glad that i was a student before as i have time to create all these so called self-composing song merely for self-entertaining. Felt so lovely and happy when listening back to these 3 years ago funny piece of shit. I have some creation for my dearest friends, my home and my myself anyways. Hahahahhaha (Plsease Ignore my out of tune, lousy skills or watsoever ok, just for funny and some laugther)
Again,
half a year has gone! Realizing that expectation is always lagging
behind reality is a truth. What you expected will never gone too far but
lagging behind the cruel of reality.
Yeah,
once again plan changed. Dragging here and there and deciding to leave
or not to leave but in the end i'm still here, stayed! Staying not
because of betterment but clinging on the slight hope that it will be
better. Sound pity it seems.
Well,
things change, people change, world change and earth is rather moving,
you cant just expecting people to go into your plan. Sometimes, we are
somewhat lost in the middle but believe me, if you do have strong faith,
it might still within your expectation somehow.
Sigh,
i shall get myself a getaway though. BTW, I'm just came back from a
short trip last week. Bought the ticket all of a sudden to Laos. I guess
not much people went there before. In short, not really a well
developed country but you still manage to get yourself something new to
explore. Infrastructure there are kinda bad by comparing to malaysia. To
certain places, car speed will never be able to exceed 20km/h is
terrible and you are non-stop experiencing the earthquake moment inside
the car. This makes me feel thankful for what i'm having. People there
are usually the chinese descendants as their grandparent or
grand-grandparents are mostly chinese (according to the locals there).
Therefore, you can always see many chinese-like lao there. Somehow, they
are no longer be able to speak in chinese anymore. Besides that, the
food are quite nice if you are able to eat spicy food. languages used
there is lao but 80% same as thai so if you can speak in thai you can
usually communicate well there. After this, i'm planning to visit
cambodia and vietnam too. Must be at least visit our neighboring country
once when i can.
Gosh! The
feeling of starting work after a holiday is bad. Laziness is
overwhelming me. Luckily, I am not alone and i made a new internship
friend. Or else i will be a loner hero then. Work, eat, sleep,
work are the sequences of my life. Anyway, half more year to go, lets
see if there are miracles happen. Cheers~
Don't know why, my head is always filling up with these 3 words, W,H,Y recently. Whenever people is asking why it simply means that they are facing some uncertainties for sure. By the way, WHY is a great simple term to use whenever there is something questionable! Thats why, WHY is always appearing in my life.
Since after graduation and coming out to work, there are quite a lot of WHY appearing indeed! I am asking myself why am i studying, why am i working, why am i not born to be superhero, why are we so tiring? Aren't we always telling other to enjoy life ya? Eventually, we are the person who don really enjoying our lives.
At first, i was thinking to work in hometown is a brilliant choice but eventually i think i made myself not really a happy choice. Not sure the reason why but i just don like the current me and the situation. lifeless, bored and meaningless. I am always feeling i can do something better but now everything ended up with laziness. LOST OF directions! I know i shall always cherish the things that i possessed, a mom that well taken care of me but you know.. ah.. hard to say that kind of feeling.. Living a life with almost everyday the same routine is totally killing me! For me, i am totally hating it and FED UP! Maybe this is a must-going process for an ordinary people. Sometimes, i was thinking why people wanted a long life, how good if we just having 50 years or even 35 years of life wont it just good enough? We play, we enjoyed, we worked and we died. That's the process, short yet simple and enjoying. Argg!! I think i need a short break seriously! I wanted to go some place and live myself alone but i have my worries, my burden my family. At the same time, when i stop i have no income, What a LIFE! Anyway, another uncelebrated day is just around the corner! Topping up of another digit on my current age and I wish i can always make my mind clear and alert what to do and in fact what is so hard about it actually? SCREAM! SCREAM! i wanna Scream the hell out of it!! Maybe he is right, i might just a Passenger!
Passenger - Let Her Go
''Staring at the bottom of your glass Hoping one day you'll make a dream last But dreams come slow and they go so fast You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies''
It is the only fifth day of the great Chinese New Year but i have started working already!! ArgHH!! I should have applied leaves and have more holidays. This is the so called 'working life' after graduation. Now, all are having our own lives where in usual days friends are hard to catch up with each others. Therefore, we should have always cherish the moment being with our relatives and friends if there are gatherings around. Well, i have enjoyed the CNY very much by bullshitting with my friends. I am always thankful that i have many friends around me where i can always bump into and 'blow water' with them. Please bear with me if sometimes i am being over judgmental, self-centered or being autarchy. Somehow, great holiday is always ended with tired soul. Waking up early in the morning but sleep late at the night really feeling terrible. I was like wanted to sleep all the times now.
Anyhow, it is so blessed that i can have a great dinner with my gang of good friends before they are leaving and back to their working lives. Great for meeting up you guys and hope that we can always keeping in touch. For friends who are not be able to show your face in the gathering not to worry ya, we can always have another gathering for you guys. Wish you guys having a prosperous year and turn all the wished wishes become real. Happy Chinese New Year and 開工大吉! HAHA!!
